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If I Didn't Play Football

S6 : E12

TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.19.90

Some of the team kick back over a game of cards and fantasise about how different their lives might have been had they pursued professions other than football.

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The comical exploits of the "California Bulls" (a fictional professional football team) and the organization's players.

Cast

Delta Burke, Prince Hughes, Cliff Frazier

Executive Producers

Donald Kushner, Peter Locke

full-episodes (16)

By the Bulls

S1 : E1 | TV-MA | 22 min | Aired: 12.02.84

In a bitter divorce, a wealthy man is forced to relinquish the rights of his California football team to his socialite wife.
The Opener

S1 : E2 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.02.84

Diane struggles to deal with a mobster manager, a quarterback finding it harder and harder to play the game and a sexist head coach.
All Roads Lead to Dayton

S1 : E3 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.09.84

The sinister Arcolo Brothers attempt to sabotage Diane's management of the team, using everyone from her general manager to the quarterback against her.
The Slump

S1 : E4 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.16.84

Diane takes drastic measures when everything seems to be working against the Bull's doing well, including Carl Witherspoon's new football contract and Arcola's decision to stop distributing beer for the upcoming games.
Play Me or Trade Me

S1 : E5 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.23.84

Diane finds herself in a personal bind when her attraction and emotional attachment to one of her players conflicts with the team's need to trade him to another franchise.
You Are Who You Eat

S1 : E6 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.30.84

Diane is left to coach the team when DeNardo suffers a near heart attack. In her new role she makes history as the first female coach in professional football history.
Uneasy Lies the Head

S1 : E7 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.06.85

The Bull's are left in a quandary when Coach DeNardo decides to quit. Meanwhile, Bubba's mother-in-law causes problems when she comes to visit.
The Sins of the Quaterback

S1 : E8 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.13.85

Controversy and turmoil overtake the Bulls when the starting quarterback gets injured and the backup accidentally impregnates a cheerleader, despite being married.
I Only Read Defenses

S1 : E9 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.20.85

The jokester of the Bulls finds himself in an existential crisis when he is told that the team plans to cut him after the season's end. Problems amplify with the jokester.
Wine Time

S1 : E10 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.27.85

After several Bulls players attack a con man for scamming them, he threatens to sue the organisation, placing Diane in a situation in which she may have to go against her moral compass.
Rona's Fling

S1 : E11 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 02.03.85

Coach Denardo is stressing over the importance of the next game, which makes or breaks a playoff spot for the Bulls. but the Arcola brothers finagle to pay off a referee.
Not Quite Mr. Right

S1 : E12 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 02.10.85

The Bulls win a place in the championship, Mace is asked to appear in a film and Diane is distracted when her former lover resurfaces.
Super Bull Sunday

S1 : E13 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 02.17.85

The media and advertisers create a buzz, distracting everyone from the Bull's game plan for the championship. Meanwhile, Diane receives a pretty sweet offer to sell the team.
The Rookies

S2 : E1 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 08.25.86

As training camp for the upcoming season approaches, the Bulls organisation is abuzz with faces new and old. Bubba and Jethro are delayed by their usual rambunctious behaviour.
The Veterans

S2 : E2 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.01.86

When the Bulls veterans arrive for training camp, Diane must deal with the rising tensions in other leagues' front offices, as the potential for a players strike looms over.
A Second Chance

S2 : E3 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.08.86

As the California Bulls prepare for the upcoming season, tension builds behind the scenes as a potential strike looms on the horizon, management search for talented new players and there is an organised effort to defeat drug abuse.
Quaterbacks Tell No Tales

S2 : E4 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.15.86

When Yinessa is accused in a public statement from the commissioner as one of the primary pushers of cocaine in the league, Diane is left to deal with the fallout, including growing pressure to cut him from the team.
California Freeze Out

S2 : E5 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.22.86

When the need for a proper running back grows dire, Diane is forced to negotiate with Rick Lambert's scummy agent, Max Greene. Meanwhile, Johnny Valentine keeps busy.
The Unkindest Cut

S2 : E6 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.29.86

When Johnny Valentine refuses to partake in a drug rehab programme, Diane's patience with his ego finally vanishes, and she arranges to have him traded to Buffalo.
Yinessa's Interview

S2 : E7 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.30.86

Yinessa leads the Bulls to the playoffs and his success attracts attention from reporters; Diane is offered the opponent's playbook which the coaches regard with suspicion.
Easy Come, Easy Go

S2 : E8 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.06.87

When Jamie's excessive spending dries up his salary, he finds himself in the company of some dangerous gamblers to cover his debts; Jethro discovers that, although Tommy isn't his son, he wants to take on the responsibility of fatherhood.
A Family Affair

S2 : E9 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.13.87

Coach Denardo fires Coach Grier and the Bulls reach the championship game.
The Big One

S2 : E10 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.20.87

The Bulls and Chicago advance to the championship, and the tension between the two head coaches reaches a new high; Coach Denardo goes too far when he considers risking Jamie Waldren's career by having him play on a serious injury.
Ernie's Last Quarter

S3 : E1 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 08.05.87

Diane brings in a new co-owner of the Bulls, Teddy, who offers T. D. a promotion to general manager on the condition that he fires Coach Denardo as head coach.
A Second Chance Once Removed

S3 : E2 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 08.12.87

With Denardo gone, Teddy tries to convince T.D. to bring his former college coach in as the new head coach for the Bulls, despite Diane having already promised the job to Fred Grier. Meanwhile, veteran John Manzak, who is having difficulty keeping up with the rookies in training camp, considers using steroids to improve his game.
A Loaded Gun

S3 : E3 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 08.19.87

T.D. is struggling to balance the demands of his new job with his home life. Still in the middle of his hold-out, Yinessa looks to his new receiver, Billy Cooper, for help. Meanwhile, John Manzak's steroid abuse has yielded on-field results at the risk of his physical and mental health.
The Comeback Trail

S3 : E4 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 08.26.87

Having sustained a serious injury in practice, Tom Yinessa's return to football seems doubtful. In the fallout, Yinessa's agent threatens to sue Diane for having his player on the field without a contract. Meanwhile, Manzak's steroid abuse escalates, and Bubba turns to a sex surrogate for help with his marriage.
Illegal Use of Love

S3 : E5 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.02.87

Teddy organizes a trade for Johnny Valentine behind Diane's back, raising her suspicions. The Bulls start the season with an embarrassing loss during which Mad Dog and Dr. Death make fools of themselves. Bubba must find a way out of his love triangle with his wife and his sex surrogate. All the while, T.D.'s issues with his marriage deepen and his relationship with Kay progresses.
The Bulls Change Hands

S3 : E6 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 09.09.87

Diane, now wise to Teddy's deceptive and manipulative ways, threatens to reveal evidence of his insider trading to the public. While Yinessa attempts to shake off the rust after his injury, T.D. struggles with guilt, both over the responsibility he feels for Yinessa's injury and for his ongoing affair with Kay.
Mutiny on the Bull Team

S3 : E7 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.07.87

After an atrocious start to the season, The Bulls look for ways to turn things around. T.D. turns to Coach Grier, who establishes a new rigorous practice regimen under which the Bulls become defiant. Meanwhile, new owner Jill Schrader attempts to instill confidence with the team, but the lingering ache of her breakup with Yinessa complicates things.
The Brink of Death

S3 : E8 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.20.87

Dr. Death lays a ferocious hit on Joe "The Terminator" Morgan, injuring him in the process. While Dr. Death deals with the guilt, T.D. and Jill must defend him from the punishment of the Commissioner. Bubba and Jethro take over ownership of Jake's bar where Billy Cooper has a run-in with a vengeful man.
Call for the Hall

S3 : E9 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.04.87

The Bulls, in need of a running back, are in the process of working out a trade, but hesitate when Bubba becomes the main trade piece. T.D., who is to be honored by the President for his induction into the Hall of Fame, must choose who will be by his side at the ceremony: his wife Ellen or his girlfriend Kay.
Blood on Blood

S3 : E10 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.27.87

The Bulls have backed their way into the playoffs, but there are distractions abound. Bubba and Jethro prepare for Zagreb's wild bachelor party, which they host at the bar while Billy's younger brother, Mike, fresh out of jail, comes for a visit.
Land of the Free (Agent)

S3 : E11 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.02.87

The Bulls' need for a proper running back grows desperate. With the playoffs rapidly approaching, Jill and T.D. consider signing Brian Bosworth in a potentially reckless move. Bosworth is currently a free agent, holding-out on his contract with another team until he's able to receive his full asking price. Signing him could put the Bulls on thin ice with the rest of the league.
Of Scalpers and Superstars

S3 : E12 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.09.87

The Bulls carve their way through the playoffs, and seem as if they'll be heading to the championship for the third straight year. The organization sets up a music video for the team to star in, but they soon realize that they'll be able to capitalize on the profits by marketing Yinessa as the star, a prospect that creates a rift between the players.
Championship Game Jinx

S3 : E13 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.16.87

With the championship game quickly approaching, distractions continue to plague the Bulls. Zagreb believes that he's jinxed away his ability to kick, and T.D. must prove his innocence in a scalping incident. Worst of all, Yinessa, who has been busy appearing in commercials, receives some tragic news.
The Bulls Own Up

S4 : E1 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.05.88

The team becomes embroiled in a messy situation when a clean-cut fast food chain with decidedly familial values purchases the Bulls. The players concoct a plan for the team to gain joint ownership of the team themselves, leading to divisive reactions amongst personnel.
The Inmates Buy the Asylum

S4 : E2 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.12.88

The unruly Bulls roster attempts to get a grip on their shenanigans, to spearhead a successful and tasteful ownership of their beloved team. Things are more complicated than they would have thought, when the players show their true, unpredictable colors in the face of great change.
Caught in the Draft

S4 : E3 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.19.88

Pandemonium ensues when the draft commences, leading to speculation and paranoia that some of the Bulls' most beloved personalities are on the trading block. They realize they may be in over their heads when there is distracting anxiety breathing down their necks the night before and morning of the draft, and the various teams in play taking advantage of the first time owners isn't helping.
Down and Out in Bulls' Stadium

S4 : E4 | TV-MA | 22 min | Aired: 10.26.88

The questionable choices of the various Bulls catch up with them when Mad Dog makes a promise to an aspiring cheerleader which he was unauthorized to make and T. D. attempts to recruit a former player to join the coaching staff.
…The Clock Runs Out

S4 : E5 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.02.88

The players' unpredictable yet hilarious antics continue as the group tries to make sense of their new roles as players within the Dodds Corporation ownership of the beloved franchise. Mad Dog gets caught in a series of lies and Joe comes into harsh proximity with one of the new owners and his classist prejudices.
The Dark Side

S4 : E6 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.09.88

After getting concussed from taking multiple brutal hits on the field, the Bulls' quarterback fantasizes that his coach's colorful halftime pep talk is actually from a Vietnam War general, amping up his troops for the second half of a major battle.
Saturday, Bloody Saturday

S4 : E7 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.16.88

A slew of relationship dramas plague the Bulls players, with T.D. attempting to court the league's first female player, Cooper realizing that the woman he is having an affair with is married to the team sponsor's president, and more. What proceeds are on and off-field brawls, the first NFL play featuring a female player, and a whole slew of hilarious miscommunications.
Injustice for All

S4 : E8 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.23.88

The Bulls organization and their sponsor's corporation are embroiled in a public controversy when the head coach is purported in the media to have made a racist statement, though the allegations are embellished and misrepresented at the very least.
Team Picture

S4 : E9 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.30.88

The roster of the 1987 California Bulls reunites to take a legacy group photo, although the futuristic dystopia they currently inhabit has proven to be consequential -- plateaued and more depressing than the one they played in.
Out of the Past

S4 : E10 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.07.88

The Bulls face a series of personal predicaments. Bubba is locked out of his fumigated home, Ernie reconnects with a former flame who turns out to be wrapped up in an inescapable football gambling horror and a player is on the chopping block but his good looks have attracted T.D.
Final Bow

S4 : E11 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.14.88

The team adjusts to having a hugely famous track star join the team, much to the chagrin of an aging wide receiver whose job may be on the line, given the new celebrity addition to the roster. Tensions rise between Bubba and his wife, as well as between T.D. and King's wife.
Duty Calls

S4 : E12 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.21.88

With their perfect season contingent on another win, the team places an accentuated emphasis on the coming weekend's big game. Dr. Death juggles taking care of a young abandoned boy, Jethro and Bubba cater to a disgruntled chef's needs, and, making matters worse, a shady pair of Miami-based gamblers are set on sabotaging the Bulls' operation from the inside out.
The High and the Mighty

S4 : E13 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.28.88

As the Bulls fly to their next destination, they each mull over their respective fears to keep their undefeated season and hopes for a championship alive. Sparks fly with ownership representatives, who fight for the upper-hand in negotiations and company favor.
The Irreducible Bottom Line

S4 : E14 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.04.89

Joe Namath makes a documentary on the championship-bound California Bulls, including interviews and candid moments with the characters and personalities we've watched grow into established men and winners on the field and off.
The Book According to Zagreb

S5 : E1 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.11.89

Zagreb unveils a book exposing the truth behind the Bulls' dubious escapades, portraying the team and its culture in a negative manner, leading to rifts among the typically unified roster.
The Con

S5 : E2 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.18.89

The Bulls take a chance on a rehabilitated convict in prison, inviting him to potentially become the team's starting quarterback, which, in the process, invites a wave of criticism.
False Start

S5 : E3 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.25.89

A mysterious woman enters T.D.'s life with a lot of troubling and unforeseen baggage, while Johnny Gunn finds himself in the middle of a testy situation with Westwood.
Mind Games

S5 : E4 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.01.89

The California Bulls' manager, T.D. Parker, and new owner, Diane Barrow, struggle to handle a hot-headed new rookie.
Love and Marriage

S5 : E5 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.08.89

A romance begins to bud between T.D. and Kristy, but personal and professional issues convolute the situation and make it feel that much more forbidden to the two.
Clean and Sober

S5 : E6 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.15.89

Billy Cooper finds himself, and by proxy, the entire Bulls organisation, in a swarm of trouble and bad publicity after a drunken driving incident leaves his companion in a critical condition.
Blood Money

S5 : E7 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.22.89

The Bulls are buried beneath an insurmountable scandal involving a star player allegedly receiving bounty incentives for knocking out opponents for a hefty financial sum.
Vindication

S5 : E8 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.06.89

Some of the Bulls players take a gaggle of beautiful women to a house in the woods, though the premises appears to be more harrowing than originally anticipated.
Gunn and Bullette

S5 : E9 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.13.89

While Westwood skates on thin ice over an accusation of sexual assault and the existence of embarrassing photographs of himself, Johnny Gunn attempts to begin a relations improvement.
Heaven Help Me

S5 : E10 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.20.89

The Bulls administration reaches a breaking point regarding the questionable and shady referee calls against them, which comes at an especially inconvenient time.
Surprise, Surprise

S5 : E11 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.27.89

Johnny Gunn suffers an injury in a careless accident during practise and jeopardises the entire season for the team, further adding to Kristy's pile of grievances.
All's Fair in Love and Football

S5 : E12 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.10.90

T.D.'s son finds himself in a heap of danger after he gets involved with small-time gangsters to support his drug habit, bringing Ernie down with him.
Earn This One for Ernie

S5 : E13 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.17.90

An especially prank-happy Bulls team takes their festivities too far, causing pandemonium and paranoia throughout the roster and administration.
Who Stole Johnny Gunn?

S5 : E14 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.24.90

Jonny Gunn is kidnapped and held hostage for ransom, leading to team-wide turmoil and national uncertainty as to whether the young and rising star will make it to the approaching championship alive. But where on Earth could he be?
Opening Night

S6 : E1 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.03.90

A new season means a new chance at glory. That is, if all hope isn't lost on day one, after team president Kristy Fullbright engages in some extracurricular activities with the Bulls.
Old Dogs…New Tricks

S6 : E2 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.10.90

T.D. undertakes a temporary stint as the Bulls' offensive coordinator, Kristy explores the possibility of building a relationship with the new quarterback, and Mad Dog learns how to manipulate the impressionable rookies into pulling pranks for him.
She's Ba-ack

S6 : E3 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.17.90

Coach Denardo gets crankier than usual as he begins contemplating his mortality on his 65th birthday, leading some players to pay his wife to take him out on the town.
Altared States

S6 : E4 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.24.90

Zagreb is caught and identified as the snitch who sold revealing information about, and pictures of, the Bulls to the media. Bubba and Jethro may want to join.
Going in Style

S6 : E5 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 10.31.90

The team falls under a wave of injury spells, with Dr. Death neglecting a potentially serious neck injury and Bubba mistaking a concussion for a terminal illness.
Don't Powerburst My Bubble

S6 : E6 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.07.90

Mac and Kristy's marital problems accidentally leak into their professional relationship when Kristy threatens to bench Mac.
The Squeeze

S6 : E7 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.14.90

Miles is caught up in a sticky situation when his girlfriend accuses him of being her unborn child's father and exploits him for cash. Zagreb reveals his gambling addiction has led to having no money.
Take My Wives…Please!

S6 : E8 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.21.90

With Kristy's and Mac's celebrity statuses now commanding national publicity, new developments concerning their marriage have left the couple between a rock and a hard place.
Bull Day Afternoon

S6 : E9 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 11.28.90

The team is trapped in a hostage situation at Bubba and Jethro's bar when armed robbers hold everyone against their will, alleging to free the roster in exchange for one million dollars.
Sex, Bulls and Videotape

S6 : E10 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.05.90

Bubba is invited to participate in a celebrity boxing exhibition for charity, though, despite seemingly everyone else's encouragement, he is reluctant and frankly terrified.
Irma Za-greb

S6 : E11 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.12.90

Dr. Death gets off on the wrong foot with the new equipment manager, who appears to know something that he's not revealing. Subsequently, Zagreb falls for a woman.
If I Didn't Play Football

S6 : E12 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.19.90

Some of the team kick back over a game of cards and fantasise about how different their lives might have been had they pursued professions other than football.
A Roast is a Roast

S6 : E13 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 12.26.90

T.D. is extended an offer that he can't refuse: a position as the president of one of the Bulls' opponents, spotlighting his loyalty and forcing him to question his destiny.
Close Encounters of the Third Down

S6 : E14 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.09.91

Tombstone Packer has a fascination with aliens, a recurring distraction that has begun inconveniencing coaches, cracking up players, and hindering his own abilities.
Flashbacks

S6 : E15 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.16.91

The players treat a romance-overloaded Putz to a recap of their various romantic escapades, including all of the embarrassing conquests that the various players have endured.
Championship Game Jinx

S6 : E16 | TV-MA | 23 min | Aired: 01.23.91

The Bulls are back in another championship game, this time against an apparently superior opponent that always seems to be ten steps ahead of them. There's a lot on the line.

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